A Condescending Pat on the Head

[read like that movie announcer guy]

In a world where everyone is special, but non-conformity is unacceptable.
In a game where there are no losers, but there are no winners.
In a time when feeling better about yourself is more important than actually achieving something.
Today is: 5th Grade Graduation day.

I graduated from High School and then later on from College. I don't remember going through any kind of ceremony for completing kindergarten, grade 5, middle school (used to be called Jr. High), or anything else. But I do remember receiving certificates of participation. I also remember receiving ribbons or trophies for winning races or other such competitions. Guess whether I saved the certificates or the trophies? How many framed certificates of participation do you have on your wall?

We are bringing up our children with the idea that all they have to do is go along with the crowd; all they have to do is grow a year older; all they have to do is participate, and they will have earned our praise and should feel like they have accomplished something. Do our children really need this sort of condescension? Does it really help them to say that no one is keeping score? Is self-esteem more important than correction or direction?

How is it that the so-called 'greatest' generation won a world war, and turned the US into an industrial and economic superpower, but their parents spanked them with switches and made them walk to school in the snow? Shouldn't they have been emotional wrecks unable to contribute to the good of the society?

The bar has been lowered to the least common denominator. Those who wish to excel are only allowed to do so in very controlled situations. Many kids today do not want to excel. They don't have to. 'A's are handed out too easily. Every grade level has lowered expectations of what should be learned from just a generation ago. Here is one harbinger of the downfall of Western Civilization: It is possible to make a living as a professional skateboarder. (This could also be a subject of another blog: the difference between so-called sports and recreational activities.)

With the bar being lowered, we reward the mundane (we want the children to feel better about themselves) and discourage the curve busters (we don't want the other children to feel inadequate). What are the consequences of elevating losers to normalcy and dragging winners down to stand with the common folks? We become a nation of mediocre underachievers.

If we remove the competitive nature of life, we remove incentive to excel. Perhaps this is what was intended all along. If we grow up learning less and less each succeeding generation, if we fail to learn history or the art of logical thinking, if we are ingrained with the idea that we should do just enough to get by and nothing more, then we are ripe for a fall.

What does this have to do with watching your kid in a 5th grade graduation ceremony? Maybe nothing, maybe everything. This seemingly innocuous pat on the head might be a way to encourage and reward a child for a job well done, but it might also be a symptom of a decaying society, broadcasting to the world that we are both unaware and unwilling to fight complacency within.

Put that on a Hallmark card.

School shootings and what to do about them

"Something has to be done!"

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but sometimes bad things happen, and there is nothing you or anyone can do to stop it.

You can try to institute gun control, but this only removes guns from the hands of the law-abiding citizens.

You can try to diagnose mental problems in people early, but then you become Big Brother with a cadre of thought police running around forcing drugs on people.

You can try to 'educate' people but there is a certain percentage of people out there who either can not or will not absorb the letter and spirit of the lesson you intend to teach.

Face it. Stuff happens. Accidents happen. Disease happens. Evil happens. People get sick. People die.

And while some things can be done to reduce the bad things that happen, there is no way to prevent anything 100%. Its natural for us all to get that knee-jerk reaction that something more could have been done. In those times when a seemingly senseless act of violence has harmed or killed someone, we can commiserate with the ones affected by it. We express our outrage, and in our anger at the unfairness of it all we fumble about pointing fingers at anyone and anything that might have been at fault.

Let the lawsuits begin. We have to punish those who were negligent, we have to compensate those who have had a loss. (Does anyone else think it seems wrong that a death of a loved one should turn into a lottery ticket?) While we struggle to find an answer that will provide catharsis, we feel we need to "do" something. Its almost a let-down when the one who has committed the offense (as in this most recent case) kills themselves. Now there is no one from which to exact revenge.

In most cases, time is this only thing to come close to healing our wounds. Money wont do it. Revenge wont do it. Time does not even completely heal us. Perhaps a lesson can be learned from how the Amish handled the senseless murders of their children in October 2006.

you_name_it -- ist

With the current Imus thing in the news it's time again to point fingers of accusation. Buckle up, it's a long blog.

We each belong to any number of demographic groups at a given time. One person may be 63, a woman, have white skin, and regularly attends the local bingo games at the catholic church. Another may be a male black man in his 20s who attends the local community college. Another might be a hispanic woman in her 30s raising 2 children, married to an asian man, and belongs to the local wiccan coven. Still another may be an overweight hermaphrodite with 11 fingers, 62 tattoos, 14 cats, 2 goats, a ferrari, belongs to the progressive party, shops at walmart, holds a blackbelt in judo, eats garlic and peanut butter sandwiches and helps out down at the local soup kitchen.

If any one of us belongs to a particular demographic, we can feel free to poke fun at that demographic using stereotypes or otherwise. After all, if I'm one of them, then it's self-deprecating humor. It's ok. But if someone from outside my group so much as even mentions that I belong to the group I'm in, they deserve to be pilloried and then shunned.

Today, I was discussing this with a friend at work. He then called me an "idiot", for which my knee jerk reaction was to turn and start to hurl back a return volley. But then it occurred to me: "Wait it's ok. He's an idiot too!"

Is this the kind of world we want? A populace so hyper-aware of their "diversity" that they take offence at the slightest perceived "insensitivity" of another?

Lets take a look at what people say within their own demographic groups. Without going to too much trouble you can find examples of people who use the very words (and worse), that if used from outside their group, would get them riled up and frothing at the mouth. Take any racial slur. Use one referring to your own demographic and you are safe. Use one out of your own demographic and it is wrong.

I ask this: why isn't always wrong? Why isn't it always offensive? Conversely, if it is ok to use a particular word to describe people within your group, why can't another group use it to describe your group? Where is the outrage when these same words are used and glorified in music and stand-up comedy? Consider for a moment why some people are accused of being a traitor to their group.

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We humans have the coinciding need to be accepted and to be unique. We want to feel like we belong. To feel like people like us. Yet we don't want to be exactly like the next guy. Many of us will attempt to fulfill both these needs by consciously joining what we consider to be an atypical group. Most of us, when we rebel against the perceived norms of society, we want to belong to a group with similar ideas, dress, language, etc. Many people actually enjoy the feeling they get when they think people are looking down on them. Especially if they can commiserate with their group. In a way, it makes them feel superior to others.

In today's US culture, it is ridiculous to think that there may be a majority of people in one demographic who has it out for any other group. "The Man" does not exist. Not in the form of a rich, fat, white, cigar smoking suit behind a desk plotting to hold down your group.

If your group is being held down, it is likely by those people who are professing to help you. Why do you need help? Is life unfair for you? Get over it, life is unfair for all of us. Whoever told you life is fair was lying. The examples of people overcoming the utter crap that life handed them are so numerous that it ceases to be anecdotal, and becomes demonstrative of what can be accomplished if one is willing to work hard and stop whining about the roadblocks put in their way.

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When it comes to race, the US is no different than many other countries out there. We have a lot of people living here who belong to a lot of different ethnic groups. There is a lot of history involved with how we were peopled. Many of us have ancestors who chose to come to this country hundreds of years ago. Many of us are only one or two generations living here. Others had ancestors who were forced to come here against their will. Still others' ancestors came here thousands of years ago thus gaining them the designation "native". (This should probably be the subject of another blog: just how long do you ancestors have to have lived in a place to be bestowed the title 'native'? Mine have been here for 350+ years, but I digress.)

So here we are, living on land that was conquered, occupied, bought, swindled, annexed, or otherwise taken. We are a people who were considered indigenous, colonists, slaves, immigrants or aliens (dang Canadians taking over). As a whole, we get along better than most countries. As individuals we have problems with each other. But are those problems race based? I don't buy it. People would find a reason to be irritated with their neighbor no matter what color, creed, sex, political party they are, or what jeans they wear.

What is racism? The dictionary says this:

1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

How many people that you know fall within the first definition? Not many? Think again. There are millions who subscribe wholeheartedly to the first half of that sentence. Are you aware of government laws mandating we look at the color of someone's skin? In order to determine whether discrimination is going on, we must discriminate. In order to make up for prejudice, we must be prejudicial. In order to make things more fair we must be unfair to some.

I suspect that the most racist people in America are those who keep pointing the finger at others. The media is in the business of making money. It is in their best interest to generate news where there is none. The MSM is one of the biggest culprits when it comes to inciting racial disharmony. Every time someone who is not a 20 something white male accomplishes something, there has to be a story about the "first _______-American to become a _________".

If the media keeps recognizing "achievements" of people in light of their demographic group: their race, color, sex, religion, orientation, etc. then how is the public ever to accept people for the content of their character?